


Finding a Balance

by I May Age Regress (shnuffeluv)



Series: Gibbs' Family [32]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Age Play, Anorexia, Brother-Sister Relationships, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Non-Sexual Age Play, Team as Family, Weight Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-08 01:52:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14094447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shnuffeluv/pseuds/I%20May%20Age%20Regress
Summary: Tony has some issues behind the scenes. McGee doesn't know about them. McGee says the wrong thing. Tony's issues aren't secret anymore.





	Finding a Balance

DiNozzo was going to go crazy. He was sure of it. He liked McGee well enough, sure, and he enjoyed having Timmy to play with, despite his initial hesitation, but he was going to go absolutely  _crazy_  if McGee made one more wary look at their lunches. DiNozzo sighed, hung his head, and propped up his chin on his elbows. Above the din of the fast-food restaurant, he asked, "Something wrong with your lunch, McGee?"

"No, it's fine, it's good actually, I just..." McGee glanced at DiNozzo and shrugged, before continuing to pick at his food. "It's a lot of calories, don't you think?"

DiNozzo paused, or more accurately, froze. His mind started whirring at the speed of light. Did McGee just really say that? He did. Why did he say that? Was he trying to go on a diet? Was he already on one? Was he just trying to cut back a little on the junk food?

...Was he the victim of an eating disorder? It didn't affect just people with a normal or below average weight. He could very well be starting a spiral.

He sincerely hoped that wasn't the case. He didn't want anyone going through what he did. "It's fine, McGee, one meal won't kill you, in fact it'll hardly do anything to your weight if you exercise enough, and I've seen you in the gym, you're fine."

"I don't know, Tony," McGee said skeptically, continuing to pick at his meal. "It's just, I've been trying to watch what I eat? And if I continue eating a lot of take out and fast food I'm pretty sure it'll make me feel worse, and this is the third time this week we've gone out for fast food--"

"--I get it, okay?!" DiNozzo interrupted. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest. The room was too hot. Everyone was too loud, everything too close. "You're worried about your weight. You don't have to be. You're  _fine_ , understand?"

McGee stared at DiNozzo, head cocked slightly to the side. DiNozzo sincerely wished this was one thing McGee wouldn't question and investigate, but it didn't look like that was the case. "Tony, I know you mean well, but I  _know_  I could stand to lose a few pounds. Nothing wrong with it."

_Nothing wrong with it. Nothing wrong with it. That's how it all starts,_ his mind taunted.  _First it's two or three pounds. Then five. Then ten. You were doing so well, Tony, why did you stop losing weight?_

_Shut. Up!_  he shot back.  _I'm at a healthy weight. I don't pass out when I try to stand. I don't need some stupid "goal weight" to get to when I'm fine where I am._  "If you say so," DiNozzo said, keeping the skepticism clear in his voice.

Their conversation dropped to a minimum after that. Both men finished their meals and hopped in DiNozzo's car to get back to the office. DiNozzo was silently going through breathing slowly, trying to keep away the panic that was trying so desperately to begin. Not McGee. Not McGee, the guy who was a little nervous with the big dogs, granted, but still had a heart of gold and made use of it. Not McGee, the guy who had a mischievous streak a mile wide when he wanted, helping DiNozzo break into Kate's desk and have a little fun. Not Timmy.

Not Tony's big brother.

DiNozzo's knuckles were white as he held the steering wheel in a death grip. McGee kept sending him nervous glances. "I didn't say anything bad on accident, did I?" he asked uncertainly.

"You're fine, McGee," DiNozzo said, still half-caught in his own thoughts. "I just have a lot to think through today."

The rest of the ride to the office was filled with awkward silence. When they got there, Kate was already at her desk, looking through files. "Hey," she said. "Have a nice lunch?"

DiNozzo nodded distractedly. McGee just shrugged.

"Tony. Feeling okay?" Kate asked.

"Fine," DiNozzo said flatly, knowing that didn't help his case but feeling too worried and too strung out to care.

Kate turned to McGee. "What did you do to him?" she asked.

"What did...what?" McGee asked.

"What. Did. You. Do. To. Him?" Kate asked, enunciating each word slowly.

McGee looked lost, and DiNozzo almost felt bad for him. "I didn't do anything?" McGee said, voice tilting up at the end like a question.

"I don't believe you," Kate said, standing up and stalking over to him, and McGee took a couple steps backward until his back was against a filing cabinet. "What did you say?!"

"Nothing!" McGee insisted.

"Kate, knock it off," DiNozzo ordered. "He didn't do anything...on purpose, at any rate."

Kate turned to DiNozzo. "What did he do on accident, then?"

DiNozzo looked Kate over. She had a fire in her eyes that she only got when someone was messing with Tony or Timmy, and the set in her jaw indicated she wasn't afraid to slug someone this afternoon. "He didn't like my choice in venue," DiNozzo settled on.

"What? Tony, that's not true," McGee said. "All I said was that I didn't want to eat there a all the time because I could stand to lose a few pounds!"

Kate froze, balled up her fists, and turned, using her momentum to deck McGee in the jaw. "Kate!" DiNozzo exclaimed.

McGee was sprawled on the floor, a hand on his face, and Kate was moving her leg up to stomp on his groin. DiNozzo moved to intervene but the flash of a brown coat rushed past him and Gibbs was already pulling Kate away before DiNozzo was done standing. "Hey!" Gibbs exclaimed. "Take a walk, Kate."

Kate opened her mouth to protest, but Gibbs just leveled her with a look, pointed toward the elevator, and said, "Walk.  _Now._  Go to the gym downstairs if you have to."

With a growl, Kate stalked off. McGee was still sprawled on the floor, stunned. "What...what did I say?" he asked.

Gibbs offered McGee a hand and said, "That's the million dollar question. What  _did_  you say?"

DiNozzo leaned against his desk. "He didn't say anything that wasn't harmless, Boss. Just said he didn't like the fast food place I chose. Too many calories, apparently." Gibbs' eyes flashed darkly and DiNozzo held up his hands. "Relax. Not about to relapse because Probie here is trying to go on a diet."

McGee frowned. "Relapse? What...?"

Gibbs turned to DiNozzo and said, "Do you want to tell him or should I?"

"I'm an adult, Boss, I can do it." DiNozzo jerked his head toward the elevator and said, "Probie, with me?"

McGee was thoroughly confused if his face was anything to go by, but he thankfully complied. DiNozzo waited until the elevator opened and everyone walked out before he walked in and gestured for McGee to follow. He pressed the button for the doors to close and he turned off the elevator. "Woah, uh, are you allowed to do that?!" McGee asked, voice rising in pitch as the question went on.

"Probie, I need you to focus on me for a second," DiNozzo said.

McGee swallowed and nodded. "Y-yeah, uh. Sorry. What's going on?"

DiNozzo leaned against the wall of the elevator and said, "Well, something is going on that has everyone a little worried about me, Probie. Y'see, I'm a recovering anorexic. And I tend to relapse over seemingly tiny things. Like seeing that I'm at a certain weight, or going to too many health-nut places--"

"--Or being exposed to too many diets, and people saying they could lose a few pounds?" McGee finished, grimacing.

DiNozzo tapped his nose twice and pointed at McGee. "You catch on quick, Tim."

McGee's face went red and he opened and closed his mouth a couple times like a dying fish. "Crap, Tony, I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"I didn't want you to know, not if it wasn't necessary," DiNozzo said. "I've been doing good. Haven't had a relapse in a while. The main thing I'm worried about right now is you."

"Me? Don't worry, Tony, I can keep my mouth shut, I won't tell a soul--"

"Not about that, Probie." DiNozzo shook his head, and said softly, "Are you feeling like you're out of control when it comes to your weight?"

"Well, I've never been able to be as fit as my father wanted, but that's a long story in and of itself," McGee said with a shrug. "This is just a personal thing for me. I don't want to be as winded when I run. I have good endurance but I'd like to get better. I'd like to worry a little less about how people see me on the street. Shedding a few pounds might help with that."

"Actually, exercise and practice will help with that, and the rest will follow naturally," DiNozzo said. "Diets aren't very healthy, actually, and can lead to eating disorders. I don't want you like where I am, it's not a fun place to be. You can get better at exercise just by doing it more, even without losing weight. And anyone who doesn't like you for you doesn't deserve to have you. Understand? Nothing about you needs a diet."

McGee frowned in thought and shrugged. "I mean, I don't fully agree, but your words help a little. I guess...I'll try to cut back on the worrying, at least. Sound good?"

DiNozzo turned the elevator back on. "It's a start," DiNozzo allowed. "And we all have to start somewhere."

* * *

That night was a night everyone had previously agreed on to go to Papa's house. Tony was sitting in the back of Papa's car, humming to himself and looking out the window, watching the scenery fly by. He was overall feeling mostly good. His tummy was doing a few flips whenever he thought about lunch, so he just decided to not think about it. Instead he focused on talking to Katie, who was also sitting in the back of the car and was currently trying to convince him that no, Legos would not turn radioactive if he stuck them in the microwave, they would just melt, and no, eating the microwaved Legos would not give him superpowers.

"Look, Tony, all that's going to happen is that the microwave will smell like melted plastic for weeks! And that's not a good smell!" Katie insisted.

"But in all the comics and stuff Timmy talks about, all it takes is weird things like microwaved Legos to give people superpowers!" Tony protested. "And it would be so  _cool_  to have superpowers!"

"Oh, and you're going to take advice from comic books over your older sister?" Katie challenged.

Tony faltered. Katie was really smart, and knew what she was talking about a lot of the time. But still...he really,  _really_  wanted superpowers.

"Uh, I'm going to cut in here and say that no, we are not microwaving Legos in my house," Papa said. "No matter who believes who."

Tony pouted. "That's no fun!" he protested.

"Sometimes life isn't fun," Papa said with an easy shrug. "You're not microwaving Legos."

With a sigh, Tony glanced out the window and found that they were pulling onto Papa's street. He squirmed in his seat the second they pulled in the driveway, and fumbled with the seat belt until he was free and practically fell out of the car. He was ready to go inside and play, and have some fun. Maybe then he'd forget about lunch.

As Tony was at the door to Papa's house, he heard a second car pull up and turn off its engine. McGee got out of the car with a sigh and Tony felt his stomach flip. Without warning, his mind went back unwillingly to lunch.  _Nothing wrong with it, nothing wrong with it, nothing wrong with it..._ his mind taunted.

He forcibly shook his head. No, he told himself he wasn't going to think about it so he wasn't going to think about it.

Timmy came over with a sheepish smile. "You ready to play?"

Tony nodded and walked inside, not glancing at Timmy as the thoughts started to play in his mind again. Surely, he didn't need to eat dinner  _every_  night? He could get away with...not eating to lose a little weight, couldn't he?

No. No, Papa would be worried, and Katie would be upset, and Ducky would be mad, and Abby would cry, and Timmy...

What would Timmy do? Would he really be all that upset? Or would he just be jealous? He didn't know. But he wanted Timmy to keep liking him. And he doubted that would happen if he stopped eating.

Something ran into his foot and Tony looked down to find one of his cars. He looked up to find Timmy looking at him expectantly. Tony took off his coat and shoes, picked up the car, and walked over to where Timmy was sitting. "You doing okay?" Timmy asked.

Tony nodded, playing with the car in his hands to keep himself occupied.

"Hey, Tony?" Timmy asked hesitantly.

"Mhm?" Tony hummed.

"I'm really sorry about what I said at lunch. I know you said it was okay, but it really wasn't. And...and I know you're probably thinking about not eating because of it. And I just wanna say...I don't want you to do that," Timmy said.

Tony glanced over. "You sure?"

Timmy nodded emphatically. "Yeah. You were right about everything you said in the elevator. I looked it up. And...I just think that if I can get what I want without losing weight...then so can you, you know? You don't have to worry."

Tony thought it over. Timmy had a very, very good point. And he didn't  _really_  want to stop eating. No one was forcing him to try it except himself. And if that didn't help him get what he wanted, and he could get it the way he was right now...why was he gonna do it? Tony smiled. He wasn't, then. Not now, not ever if he could help it. "Thanks, Timmy," Tony said quietly. "That helps."

"Well good, I'm glad," Timmy said. "'Cause I was debating on how to do that all day."

Tony laughed. "You overthink things a lot. Maybe you could go easy on yourself from time to time."

Timmy shrugged noncommittally. "Maybe. How about this: you try to let yourself eat, and I try to go easy on myself, deal?"

Tony stuck his hand out, and Timmy shook it. "Deal," Tony agreed.


End file.
